Quantity Vs. Quality Of Life

Last week my dad was in the hospital with blood clots in his lungs and this week we decided to go home with hospice care.  We’ve had the talk about quantity vs. quality a few weeks ago with my pop when his doctor dangled the carrot of a “new trial drug” that would perhaps offer him an extra 3 months of life BUT with a wonderful side effect of his immune system shut down and attacking itself. What the hell kind of 3 months would that be????? My dad didn’t quite understand and we went back and forth some. I decided to let it go a bit. But the Thursday before he went into the hospital, I tried again and this time he understood how we wanted him in the ending stages of his life to be the “happy, jovial, loving, funny southern hard headed” man that he was! And not well, you get where I’m going with this part….  Our main goal right now is to make him comfortable and to make sure he laughs and smiles! 

 

This is my 3^rd time dealing with something like this in the past 6 years…… It’s so difficult knowing that my last parent will be leaving me soon. My dad expressed to me about how worried he was about that. I decided that I needed to dig deep down inside and push my selfishness aside and reassure him that I would be ok, and that he had provided me with so much more than I could ever ask for and that he didn’t need to worry anymore. I also asked him if he was afraid of dying….. He gave me a half smile and said no…. I reminded him who was waiting for him and he broke into a huge smile and said that he couldn’t wait to see all his family again. As hard as that was for me to do it made my heart smile for him knowing that I could do that for him.

Being an adult sure is a stinker sometimes!

This morning around 4am I woke up with an anxiety attack and tears. Not really sure exactly what I was dreaming about, but I have this sudden sadness that my daddy would be around to walk me down the aisle nor would we have a father daughter dance. So, today I am going to ask my dad for that dance and I don’t care if he has on his jammies and ugly hospital socks!!! Hmmmmmmmmmm, wonder if I can find a “wedding dress” on my way to MD this morning…………………  Better NOT, I’m sure that would be like 7 years of bad luck or something like that!

Still finding my om with RA…………..

Peace, Love and Light to all!

Highway travels

I've put 4000 miles on my not so new anymore GMC Terrain in the last 2 month travel to MD! It also costs me $20 in tolls. My morning drive I sorta meditate. But, my drive home not so much! I suffer from a slight case of road rage! And I turn into that kid on the nationwide ins. commercial yelling “move it”!

I have learned quite a lot on my 110 mile round-trip travels. I've learned that some folks really should not have a license. Truckers must really not realize that their trucks should stay in 1 lane and not 2. I wonder if drivers think that once they get on the highway their blinkers stop working?!?! And when you see a man drinking Pabst blue ribbon canned beer driving down 95 the state police really don't care when you call them! 

Also, I would like to make some public service announcements ~ the left lane is really the FAST and if I can count your stick figure family you really shouldn't be there. If the PoPos have a car pulled over all the over in the northbound lanes and we're traveling south bound there is ABSOLUTELY no reason for you to slam on your brakes! They are not going to sprout magical powers and fly over 6 lanes to get you for speeding 5 miles over the limit!! And you know those signs you see letting you know that tolls are coming up?? That means you're going to have to hand over some $$ so start getting it together. And those bumpies before the tolls… means have said $ ready so I don't have to wait 10 mins behind you while you dig around for $$!! Also, when you leave the rest-stops that long lane before you get dumped into the fast lane (you know where some folks are doing like 80) on the in highway is for you to get your speed up! NOT, for you to continue eating your Roy Rogers hamburger going 30 mph!

I probably could go on for another 10 minutes with my PSA but, I don’t want to bore ya’ll anymore!

P.S. At mile marker 105 don’t forget to thank the Lady of the Highway for keeping you safe in your travels!!

Still finding my om with RA…………..

Peace, Love and Light to all!